Individual Therapy

Welcome. Have a seat. I’m glad you’re here.

I get it. You don’t know me at all. You’ve got big stuff going on in your life, you reached out, and you’re here in my office. Now, that sense of “What have I gotten myself into?” is kicking in.

It’s hard to know where to begin – I mean, it would be embarrassing enough to tell your closest people about what you’re feeling, and talking it through with some professional you’ve just met suddenly seems like a terrible idea.

So, let’s establish some ground rules. First, you don’t have to discuss anything you’re not ready to discuss. Much of the time, just talking about the hesitation you feel around digging into what is bringing you to therapy is as productive as talking about what has been on your mind. It’s all grist for the mill! So take a breath and know that we will establish some trust between us first. When you’re ready to talk about that other stuff, well, I’m here for that.

Second, I’m not here to judge you. Precisely because I’m not involved in your life outside the therapy space, I can be impartial about what you’re discussing. Whatever it is, I’ve probably thought or felt it myself or heard it from others. And I’m here to assure you that it’s all workable.

Now we got that out of the way, let’s have a conversation.

This process can seem intimidating, but we’re just having a conversation. True, it’s a little different from the conversations you are probably used to, but it’s because our focus will be on you and your experience.

I mean, I’d be happy to spend all our time talking all about me – free therapy! – but you’re paying to be here and presumably want to make some change in your life. And as generous as you no doubt are, I’m guessing you want the focus on you, even if some part of you gets pretty nervous about that.

So, with my support and encouragement, all you have to do is start talking about yourself. That might mean talking about what has brought you to therapy or how nervous you are to be here. It’s not as important where you start as it is to start somewhere.

Once you’ve taken that first step, your body and mind will guide you where you need to go. Together, we will help unfold the story you need to tell.

Okay, all of that sounds good. But what are we doing?

Fair question. And because human bodies, brains, and societies are so complex, the answer to this is pretty complicated. However, at a high level, you can think about this process as having three components.

First is the introduction phase, where you help me understand your life, how you think about and approach the world, and where you want to get to.

Second is the exploration phase, where we develop a picture of how your mind works and where it might get hung up when faced with difficulties.

The third is the solutions phase, where we work together to develop ways that you might approach or do things differently and see how those work.

These phases usually aren’t this clear-cut and tend to overlap with feedback from one another. Again, we’re complicated beings. But that does give a rough idea. Early in therapy, you’ll be talking about what brings you in. We might talk about what’s happening for you in the present moment, your life history, your family relationships, and what tools you have and use for managing your mental health.

Then, we start digging deeper.

As I get to know you and we start to study the themes that are coming up, we will begin to have more of a chance to dig into what might be holding you back. This phase of therapy can be rich with information, where you can get to know yourself in a new way.

I often use tools and techniques that include awareness of your body and what it has to say. Body awareness is essential because it often includes input from your body into the story, providing some perspective you haven’t considered before and giving access to core unconscious beliefs – unknown until you experience them through the body.

Once you start to have a clear picture of the mechanism of your mind and body in response to your situations, you can begin to try different ways of doing things. Often, these won’t work at first, but then we get a chance to understand what gets in the way at an even deeper level and refine it until we find something that works for you and your specific life circumstance.

“What’s all this stuff about the body?”

“I’m here to talk about my mind, not my body.”

Fair question. When most people think of psychotherapy, they think about us dealing primarily with the mind and not so much with the body. And indeed, many approaches to therapy stick mainly with the mind, focusing on your verbal story.

But my experience has taught me – and science continues to confirm this – that focusing entirely on the story is often counter-productive. These approaches can provide lots of insight, but real change is often elusive because so many patterns in our lives that bedevil us get laid down in the nervous system and become wired at early ages before we can make explicit memories.

And those patterns show themselves in many of the unconscious ways we inhabit (or don’t) our bodies – our posture, the patterns of our musculature, our nervous tics, the ways we make or avoid eye contact, and so forth. Building awareness of these elements and working together to understand how and why they function is the fastest way I have found of helping people to make deep and lasting changes.

“Okay, I’m sold.”

Great! And congratulations on deciding to change your life for the better.

Just reach out to set up your free phone consultation, and let’s get started!